Lessons from a Bad Mentor will make your life more beautiful

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I am not here to hide the truer version of me…which is pretty human like many of you!  At times, I do get disappointed, frustrated, sad, helpless and upset. Even most sophisticated machines have break downs; I am just a simple and ordinary person. But, I know one thing that I try really hard to bounce back getting better with each hurdle.

Life is a hurdle race; it is a roller coaster ride. Unfortunately, people only see our highs and lows, but they have no idea what have we done in between those extremes.  I believe that the real journey is the one between our own lows and highs. It is a very adventurous journey. We see and learn many new things about ourselves during that journey. 

Now, these humble thoughts came when I realized how bad a mentor I am. It is frustrating at times to do mentoring. You feel helpless. You may experience that nothing is working. You are failing to connect with the one whom you are mentoring. It is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Now, I can understand why Rahul Dravid, star Indian cricketer, now coach of Rajasthan Royals in IPL, was telling that coaching is a very difficult job, a different ball game all together. It drains you emotionally when you fail to inspire and get the desired result despite your sincere efforts.  

I want to be more calm and composed but sometimes, I just couldn’t hold my displeasure. I am a bad mentor as I couldn’t grow as a mentor despite an experience of more than 15 years from a very tender age.  Now, from this moment, I am determined to transform myself into an amazing mentor. When I look deeper to find ways to do so, I find the following things:

Key points for those who are Mentoring

v  Your main job is to inspire not to teach- My English tutor, my Sanskrit tutor and my teachers at kota taught me many subjects but what they truly did was that they inspired me.  Then have given me the confidence to follow my dreams. They made me believe in myself. They deployed innovative ways to teach which made learning fun and enjoyable. All elements of Periodic Table were on our finger tip as my In-organic chemistry teacher had made a song for them like Zanabe Ali ne bekar gaaya Punjabi song aaj sab bhikari Indore gaye ( This song is for all those elements which act as metal and non-metal- Zn, Al, Pb, … oh!..... I forgot others)

v  Motivate and encourage- Sometimes, I tell negative things in frustration to those I really want to help. This makes me feel pathetic later when I regret doing so. A good mentor is like an all weather friend who will go out of the way to come up with interesting and creative ways to inspire. They will always boast your confidence. They will make you feel comfortable and you will feel empowered in their company. They always motivate and encourage without getting affected by anything else.

  

v  Never lose temper- I am a bad mentor as I often break down when things are not moving as  planned. But, to be a good mentor, you need to be more patient and should never ever lose temper. Everyone is unique and all are capable to achieve anything they want in life. Your job as a mentor is to get them into Flow (Must Read about Flow). Encourage them to do things that makes them happy ( See my list of 19 things which makes me happy and then make yourlist).

v  Be more compassionate – Everyone is special and unique. Different things motivate different people. If you can inspire them then they will achieve more than you would expect. My English Tutor made me so passionate about writing articles that I used to daily write 5-6 pieces of writing and I can sense the joy my tutor used to get from seeing me taking initiatives on my own.  He used to rate my articles on a scale of 1 to 10.

  

 My journey was amazing from getting 5.5/10 to 8.5/10. I am sure, he was proud on me. One day in my passion for writing more and more articles, I made many mistakes in my articles, he explained the mistakes and didn’t rated the articles as he didn’t wanted to de-motivate me. Hats off to you, sir, Respect! I am writing about ratings and marks, but they were only a benchmark where, I was competing with myself. It was one of the best phases of my life.

v  Win support and trust of the pupil- Keep finding new ways to explain something so that they can relate.  Encourage your pupils to play on their strengths and overcome weaknesses. Win their support and trust, so that they can share their feelings with you without any inhibition. It will enable you to understand the needs of the pupil. Otherwise, you cannot prescribe the correct medicine for them without them explaining their correct requirement. So, as a mentor the onus is on you to get your pupils speak to you.

Key Points for those getting Mentored

v  Communication skills- Clearly explain what you feel or want to learn from your mentor. Unless you communicate properly, the mentor is not god that he/she can understand what’s going on in your mind

v  Lack of interest- If the mentor fails to motivate you and you are lacking interest then let your mentor know about it. Good mentor welcome feedback and they can find out ways to help you overcome this.

v  Not paying any attention to mentor’s advice- Let you mentor know what you feel about his/her advise. Mentors give advice for your betterment; if you can’t accept it for any reason, let them know about it politely with the reason. They will understand and will find a solution with is acceptable to you.

v  Get determination and will power to get into FLOW- No one can help you without your permission. Even, Gods help those who help themselves. So, understand that your mentor is just a human and will require your support in order to help you. Discuss your problems openly with your mentor. Don’t shy away. If the mentor is not co-operating then it is high time to get a new mentor, who is more understanding.  And most important thing, to put your best efforts to get into FLOW by strong determination and will power.

v  Keep Learning and pleasantly surprise the mentor- You must keep learning always. If you are not enjoying the journey then relax and reassess your goals. Then, find ways to keep learning in a way that it is fun.  And, most important thing, more often pleasantly surprise your mentor and make them feel proud on you. And, don’t forget very soon you have to be a MENTOR for someone and then you will realize their pain when you don’t respond to their efforts!! As a kid, I have made the life of my first tutor very difficult by throwing tantrums every now and then. Probably it’s time payback time for me as I find myself in his shoes.

Now, I am winding up on a lighter note with the famous lines from a Bollywood movie which says that “ Aadmi ko apne bure karmo ki saza issi janam me bhugatni hoti hai ( People have to pay  the price of this bad deeds in this life itself) ”

By- Rohan Sinha