Lessons from a Bad Mentor will make your life more beautiful

Photo Credit- http://www.wsj.com

I am not here to hide the truer version of me…which is pretty human like many of you!  At times, I do get disappointed, frustrated, sad, helpless and upset. Even most sophisticated machines have break downs; I am just a simple and ordinary person. But, I know one thing that I try really hard to bounce back getting better with each hurdle.

Life is a hurdle race; it is a roller coaster ride. Unfortunately, people only see our highs and lows, but they have no idea what have we done in between those extremes.  I believe that the real journey is the one between our own lows and highs. It is a very adventurous journey. We see and learn many new things about ourselves during that journey. 

Now, these humble thoughts came when I realized how bad a mentor I am. It is frustrating at times to do mentoring. You feel helpless. You may experience that nothing is working. You are failing to connect with the one whom you are mentoring. It is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Now, I can understand why Rahul Dravid, star Indian cricketer, now coach of Rajasthan Royals in IPL, was telling that coaching is a very difficult job, a different ball game all together. It drains you emotionally when you fail to inspire and get the desired result despite your sincere efforts.  

I want to be more calm and composed but sometimes, I just couldn’t hold my displeasure. I am a bad mentor as I couldn’t grow as a mentor despite an experience of more than 15 years from a very tender age.  Now, from this moment, I am determined to transform myself into an amazing mentor. When I look deeper to find ways to do so, I find the following things:

Key points for those who are Mentoring

v  Your main job is to inspire not to teach- My English tutor, my Sanskrit tutor and my teachers at kota taught me many subjects but what they truly did was that they inspired me.  Then have given me the confidence to follow my dreams. They made me believe in myself. They deployed innovative ways to teach which made learning fun and enjoyable. All elements of Periodic Table were on our finger tip as my In-organic chemistry teacher had made a song for them like Zanabe Ali ne bekar gaaya Punjabi song aaj sab bhikari Indore gaye ( This song is for all those elements which act as metal and non-metal- Zn, Al, Pb, … oh!..... I forgot others)

v  Motivate and encourage- Sometimes, I tell negative things in frustration to those I really want to help. This makes me feel pathetic later when I regret doing so. A good mentor is like an all weather friend who will go out of the way to come up with interesting and creative ways to inspire. They will always boast your confidence. They will make you feel comfortable and you will feel empowered in their company. They always motivate and encourage without getting affected by anything else.

  

v  Never lose temper- I am a bad mentor as I often break down when things are not moving as  planned. But, to be a good mentor, you need to be more patient and should never ever lose temper. Everyone is unique and all are capable to achieve anything they want in life. Your job as a mentor is to get them into Flow (Must Read about Flow). Encourage them to do things that makes them happy ( See my list of 19 things which makes me happy and then make yourlist).

v  Be more compassionate – Everyone is special and unique. Different things motivate different people. If you can inspire them then they will achieve more than you would expect. My English Tutor made me so passionate about writing articles that I used to daily write 5-6 pieces of writing and I can sense the joy my tutor used to get from seeing me taking initiatives on my own.  He used to rate my articles on a scale of 1 to 10.

  

 My journey was amazing from getting 5.5/10 to 8.5/10. I am sure, he was proud on me. One day in my passion for writing more and more articles, I made many mistakes in my articles, he explained the mistakes and didn’t rated the articles as he didn’t wanted to de-motivate me. Hats off to you, sir, Respect! I am writing about ratings and marks, but they were only a benchmark where, I was competing with myself. It was one of the best phases of my life.

v  Win support and trust of the pupil- Keep finding new ways to explain something so that they can relate.  Encourage your pupils to play on their strengths and overcome weaknesses. Win their support and trust, so that they can share their feelings with you without any inhibition. It will enable you to understand the needs of the pupil. Otherwise, you cannot prescribe the correct medicine for them without them explaining their correct requirement. So, as a mentor the onus is on you to get your pupils speak to you.

Key Points for those getting Mentored

v  Communication skills- Clearly explain what you feel or want to learn from your mentor. Unless you communicate properly, the mentor is not god that he/she can understand what’s going on in your mind

v  Lack of interest- If the mentor fails to motivate you and you are lacking interest then let your mentor know about it. Good mentor welcome feedback and they can find out ways to help you overcome this.

v  Not paying any attention to mentor’s advice- Let you mentor know what you feel about his/her advise. Mentors give advice for your betterment; if you can’t accept it for any reason, let them know about it politely with the reason. They will understand and will find a solution with is acceptable to you.

v  Get determination and will power to get into FLOW- No one can help you without your permission. Even, Gods help those who help themselves. So, understand that your mentor is just a human and will require your support in order to help you. Discuss your problems openly with your mentor. Don’t shy away. If the mentor is not co-operating then it is high time to get a new mentor, who is more understanding.  And most important thing, to put your best efforts to get into FLOW by strong determination and will power.

v  Keep Learning and pleasantly surprise the mentor- You must keep learning always. If you are not enjoying the journey then relax and reassess your goals. Then, find ways to keep learning in a way that it is fun.  And, most important thing, more often pleasantly surprise your mentor and make them feel proud on you. And, don’t forget very soon you have to be a MENTOR for someone and then you will realize their pain when you don’t respond to their efforts!! As a kid, I have made the life of my first tutor very difficult by throwing tantrums every now and then. Probably it’s time payback time for me as I find myself in his shoes.

Now, I am winding up on a lighter note with the famous lines from a Bollywood movie which says that “ Aadmi ko apne bure karmo ki saza issi janam me bhugatni hoti hai ( People have to pay  the price of this bad deeds in this life itself) ”

By- Rohan Sinha

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Quora has been the best social network site for me

Photo Credit- Unknown source on Internet

The identity Quora gave me with 10 followers within few days is 100 times more that the collective contribution of my profiles on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, LinkedIn and Blogger combined for several years.

Thank you Varun Rai, for letting me know about Quora. All credit to you for informing me about this wonderful platform. You came as a summer Intern and literally changed my life. You IITians are really sharp. When people waste their time on other network you guys are learning and sharing knowledge on Quora. Thank you all the Quorans, who doesn't distinguish between good answers from new members and seasoned members. Quora is a blessing for me. Quora is going to change the rules of the game called Social Networking.

You can see the tangible difference that Quora has brought in my life. Quora has given me bigger and better audience to showcase my talent. I have only 10 followers on quora but the kind of response I get there is overwhelming. I have faced apathy on other platforms. Writing is my passion. But I have never ever got the platform to showcase my talent on other places. Here is my experience with various social media platforms:

1. I tried on Twitter but failed miserably to get any attention. I felt everyone was there to promote one thing or another. Someone who is not a celebrity has a tough time on Twitter.
2. I tried posting on Facebook, but quickly realized that very few of my friends were interested in long posts. I realized it is good for giving birthday and wedding wishes.
3. I tried LinkedIn. I completely screwed myself by unknowingly spamming. I have mistakenly sent request to my entire mail list but there is no option to call back those requests. I contacted LinkedIn but they seemed less interested to solve my problem.
4.  I was in a big soup as it was very embarrassing to see that your colleagues are getting reminders every now and then that you are waiting for their response. LinkedIn was giving reminders to my Office boy that I am eagerly waiting to add him on my professional network.
5. Finally I have spent 7-8 hours to manually delete each and every request one by one as they don't have facility to remove invitations in bulk. Full funny narration is at Don't mess up with LinkedIn by Rohan Sinha on Life Journal: Life is beautiful 
6. I am running a blog Life is Beautiful on blogger but the response is nothing compared to that on Quora. You can see the following stats and decide yourself regarding the tangible results I got from Quora. 

a)       What's wrong with Flipkart (5300+ views, 150+ up votes ). The answer adopted from my blog post Come on Flipkart...overcome this communication problem and give me a hug? which has just 52 views and no likes.

b)     Kota, IIT and Unfulfilled Dreams  (3500 views, 50+ up votes ) adopted from my blog post Kota, IIT and the Unfulfilled Dream

c)      Seven Tips from a Startup Evangelist to Budding Entrepreneur ( 168 views on Blogger, 78 View on LinkedIn)

Thank you all the Quorans who are responsible for this which is nothing short of miracle for someone like me with few friends on social network platforms.

BY- Rohan Sinha

Originally Published on quora in response to a question about the tangible gains anyone has got from Quora

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No Place for Parents: An Open Letter to all those who find their parents as a burden

Kind Attention- All those blessed souls who find their parents as a burden

Dear Friend,

Please provide me the answers for the following TEN questions which are troubling me a lot for quite some time:

1. I feel old people are very sensitive like young children. They must be given proper attention, lots of love and respect. How they will feel if they don’t get this?

2. Forget about love & respect, but what will happen to them if they will have lots of worry, no one speaks to them at home with love & relations are not pleasant at home?

3. Lots of worry will attracts Blood Pressure, Heart problem & god knows what. Whom shall we held responsible for murder of old people in this fashion? One of our friend recently killed his father by following this very method, it’s really effective.

4. One just has to neglect one’s parents, STOP talking to them, etc. to dig the grave for one’s parents. Can you help me nab people on these grounds?

5. Will my attitude for my parents change after my marriage? Why does it happen? Do the parents change? Do I hold my wife responsible? Or I AM THE CULPRIT.

6. Will I also fight with my brother, sister & parents. I will not, I will make myself capable to purchase house & acquire property on my own. I will leave it to my parents to decide what they what to do with their properties? This is their own property. They have made it by their hard work, sweat & blood and have not inherited from our grandfathers. So, morally & legally, my parents should only decide, what to do of their properties?

7. I know, it sounds impractical & immature as per prevailing standards, but I will inform my would-be wife regarding my decision of no interest in acquiring inherited property from parents. At the end of our journey, money doesn’t matters. No one will take their house with them to heaven. I don’t want any property or money from my parents. Please help me to be practical.

8. When parents forgave millions of mistake done by me when I was a child, why can’t I forgive few of their mistakes when they will be old?

9. Why someone must not get mad at me, discontinue any relations with me, if I will abuse my old parents?

10. All said and done, who will guaranty that I WILL NOT ASSAULT MY PARENTS. My WIFE will not HATE my parents & I will not make their OLD days miserable? And what if I give them lots of worries and KILL them, then will I be able to forgive myself?

I am shocked by the statistics of assault against parents. Every 1 in 3 family is assaulting old people. I am going to take this issue seriously. I don’t want my brothers, sisters, cousins to ever do anything like that. I need your support to this cause. I have decided to escalate this issue to every level. I will write to newspapers, social blogs, media, social networking , will go from home to home to demonstrate & motivate people to stop assaulting their old parents for WHAT SO EVER be the reason.

Please understand that old people are very sensitive and they only need love and continuous care. They have plenty of free time so if they will have any worry then that has the potential to kill them. Hope you will support your co-operation to this cause. I am looking forward for your response & necessary action.

Thanks

A Concerned Indian

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Life is Beautiful: My advice to a Software Engineer looking for his first Job

Photo Credit- http://data.crazyengineers.com/

It’s absolutely OK not to get a job in college as many colleges don’t have good placement facility. This doesn’t mean that those software engineers cannot excel in life. I want to share with you all that Campus Placement is a buzz word only in India and that too from last 10-15 years. In fact, Colleges like Harvard and Cambridge also do not arrange or assure campus placement. Students have to find job on their own. Colleges are there to provide a platform to the students to be strong enough that they can find jobs on their own.

Although, I should not be allowed to write about it as when, I was about to chose a college then Placement opportunity was a major criterion. Now, I can only say that, it was a bit immature. Why I am saying all this is because of what I have seen over years.

Many of my classmates who were not placed during campus selection have got jobs in higher paying companies through competitive exams. Some of them started their career from relatively unknown companies and have switched to jobs with better package and are earning more than most of those who got placed in campus.

There are more than a dozen people I know from my family or friend circle who have carved an opportunity on their own after not getting placed in campus. Believe me, the struggle they did with patience paid off and they are doing exceedingly well in life. Their career is much better than most of those who were placed in campus.

Please follow the following steps to find your first job. If you have anything else to add then please reply in the comment section.

1.    Update your Resume, Cover Letter and profile on Job Portals like Naukri, Monster, etc.

2.    Polish your profile on LinkedIn. Connect with people who are working in companies you want to work for. Also, add your professors, your friends and your family members working in Software companies. This will let you leverage the connections of all the people you know.

3.    Network with people in software companies on Quora and learn from valuable discussions. Read Question & Answers on Quora to learn about any topic.

4.    Learn Java/ Dot Net/ PHP/ Python/ DBMS. Enroll in a course from a reputed Institute.

5.    Build a project and add technologies used on your Profiles on Job Portals and LinkedIn. Also, give prominence to the project in your resume.

6.    Move to an IT Hub like Bangalore, Hyderabad, Pune, etc and register on local consultancies so that they can notify you whenever any there is an opening. Few consultancies in Bangalore are Adecco India, Career Net, IKYA Human Capital, Randsand India, Team Lease, Zyoin, etc.

7.    Give online Tests on indiabix, gpl4you, freshersworld, etc regarding the aptitude and reasoning.

8.    Prepare for Interview and Group Discussion by giving Mock Interview\GD. Also, read about the interview experience of other people as we can learn from others and prepare ourselves in a better way.

9.    Interact with People on LinkedIn and Quora to get your doubts clarified.

10.  Target startups/ emerging companies rather than running behind big names.

11. However, must attend Career Fair and Off- Campus drives conducted by several companies.

12. Keep applying for jobs on LinkedIn and Job Portals. Also, pay heed to the job openings as informed by the local consultancies.

13. You can consider an option of working as an intern for a startup on one of their live project. It will help you in your career.

14. Take Tests like E-Litmus/ AMCAT. These tests provide score and companies call candidates for job interview based on these scores.

Some things you must keep in mind:

1.    Improve your Immunity and take care of your physical, mental and emotional well being. Stay positive and trust me this struggle will make you very strong and hence will prepare you to handle difficult situation. It is actually a blessing in disguise.

2.    You have a strong family support. So, you need not bother about anything except getting passionate about software engineering.

3.    You will feel proud on yourself for getting a job on your own. Struggle of 1-2 years is nothing in our career spanning over close to 40 years. Feel relaxed and focus on becoming better and better with time.

4.    Focus on the learning opportunity not on the salary. It is better to get 10K per month for a role of JAVA Developer than getting 15K at a tech support or BPO job. Try to get into software development because, if you developed an interest in that then you are going to dictate terms in future.

5.    Never regret for past but work in the present to create a wonderful future. Don't forget that your life is beautiful.

6.    Acquire Flow. Flow is a state when you are so involved in an activity that you don’t get much distracted and you enjoy the process very much.  

7.    Enjoy the journey and count your blessings. There may be 10 reasons to be upset but there are 1000 reasons to be happy.

8.    Stay hungry Stay Foolish. Develop a passion for software development and jobs will run behind you.

9.    Like Rancho has told in 3 Idiots, “ Kamayab nahi kabil bano, Kamyabi Jhak maar ke aayegi” ( Be Talented and success will follow you)

Happy Job Hunting!!

BY- Rohan Sinha

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Learn from Hobby : 6 things I learnt while on my Writing Spree

Photo Credit- Robin Sharma

Rome was not built in a day.

If I can't fly then I will run, If I can’t run then I will walk, if I can’t walk then I will crawl, but I will always move forward.

The pace of my writing has been slow compared to what I have thought of while challenging myself. When I challenged myself some 15-17 days ago, I thought that I can sail through writing 111 posts in 30 days. But, guys, it is really an uphill task. Even my sister politely told me that even 50 posts in 30 days is a big thing. I am still miles away from the finish line. But, I want to share with you that the challenge has really helped me to be on the writing spree and I am sharing my experience and learning while pursuing my hobby of writing.

1.    Passion- While you chase a target, don’t forget that it is the journey which is as beautiful as the destination. We must enjoy the process and if it is not enjoyable then we are not on the right track. Blogging is a passion as it helps me express myself. I am able to pursue things which fascinate me and then I write about them. I am enjoying the process.

2. Keep Learning- Whatever we are doing in Life; whether as a professional or an amateur, it is essential to keep learning new things about the trade. It helps us to get better with time if we make a conscious effort to keep continuing learning. Also Learn the Lessons fromthe Monk who sold his Ferrari

3.   Avoid Distractions- Life is a Journey and distractions are those fearful things which put a brake on our pace.  Distractions are difficult to avoid all together, but we can easily manage our response to them. While pursuing my challenge, I get distracted by thoughts like how to get more audience to my blog, whether I am able to connect with anyone or not, whether my efforts are worth it, is my writing very ordinary, and so on. But, when I remind myself of my purpose, I overcome those distractions.

4.    Time Management- I feel that I am putting more time than necessary. I have to be more disciplined with respect to time. Sometimes, due to over enthusiasm, we don’t realize that we have to optimize the time available with us, effort we are putting and the quality of the work at hand. Just by being more conscious about time, we can do get more satisfaction. These days, I am really not concerned about eating, sleeping or talking to anyone because I am hungry to write more and more. 

I am in flow and the process is really amazing. I need to go now to clean the mess that I have created over these weeks which are a byproduct of my writing spree. My beards have grown up a lot and I have not shaved for 2 weeks. I have piles of cloths that are waiting for getting washed for long as literally my entire wardrobe in now in the cloth bin. Whatever, it may be but this is a amazing feeling and I am experiencing in after long time. I don’t want this flow to die and hence I am planning to be much disciplined to enjoy this Flow forever.

5.    Don’t get overwhelmed- I want to share that while chasing a target like I have set, it sometimes feels overwhelming and chances are that we can quit the challenge in the middle. But, by being a bit careful, we can use such tall challenges to do great wonders. I want to explain it by citing an example; my writing challenge is like chasing the score of 450 runs against Australia in a 50 over Match. I have two options.

Either, I can play aggressively from the first over or I try to make a strong foundation, save my wickets early in my inning and score at a decent rate to scale up after getting closer to the target in the last 15 over to seal the game. In the first case either I will definitely win or I may lost by huge margin like get all out on 180 in 30 over, and fail to play 50 over of my quota. But, in the second case, chances are that I may win or go very close to the target.

I feel that while chasing an uphill challenge like what I set for myself for writing 111 blog posts in 30 days, the second approach is better. Because, it’s all about staying focus and write as many beautiful posts in 30 days. I don’t want to burnout and quit the challenge altogether. I want to go close to the target, as close as possible while enjoying my writing spree. After all, it is first of all about my passion. 

It is not a compulsion but a joy and I want to continue it like that forever. I feel successful in the challenge irrespective of the outcome because it helped me overcome my inhibition to write and I am enjoying what I am doing. You can let me know what you feel about my approach @ Discussion Forum.

6.   Deal with apathy/ negative feedbacks or immediate attention- I am able to write regularly for more than last 2 weeks just because I learned to deal with these three things- Apathy, Negative Feedback & Immediate attention.  Let me candidly explain all these things. Apathy is lack of enthusiasm of my readers, who were coming initially. I have got a couple of negative feedback regarding my style of writing from close friends. It was found to be plain as someone felt I should add some spice in my writing. 

But, again, I am unable to learn how to do it without compromising with my intent to write passionately with my heart rather that sensitizing anything to impress my audiences. I am here to express not to impress. While, I was dealing with a feeling that probably I was unable to connect with my audiences, my two answers on Quora, which were well received helped me to regain my confidence. Many people started visiting this blog all of a sudden and I was feeling very uncomfortable to receive so much attention. It is a very good learning experience for me. Also see my answers on quora which were a morale boosters- What’s wrong with Flipkart ( 145+ up votes and approx. 5000 views) & How does it feels to not quality in IIT JEE ( 55+ up votes and approx 3800 views)

I want my readers to just get the motivation to start doing something they truly want without getting affected by anything. If they are not good enough in something they want to do then by starting doing those things more often they will evolve their skills and eventually become very good in what they want to do. I am feeling proud that I am able to fulfill my passion while reminding others that Life is Beautiful.

By- Rohan Sinha

(This is the 31st blog post in his challenge to create 111 blog posts in 30 days, now 12 days are left for this challenge to get over)

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What are the funny things about Indians?

Photo Via Wikipedia

Log Kya Kahenge (What others will say) - Most Indians are obsessed with what others have to say. In fact it is the most important consideration while taking all major decisions of life.

Education- Many will sacrifice what they truly wanted to be just because their family wanted their son to become engineer (Mera beta engineer banega)

Marriage- What? you want to marry that guy, he is from a lower social strata, what people will say that we have not done enough for our daughter. In India, Marriage is about union of families more than individuals.

Fat Indian Wedding- Those who never spent a penny on restaurant  will also spent lakhs on the Fat Indian Wedding of their daughter's. Really strange.

Everyone wants a fair bride  Indians are in general obsessed with Gori /Fair skin.

Everyone wants to go to IIT but not 1 out of 100 reach inside the IIT campus. Strange but True!

No one wants to be a driver, plumber, fitter, welder, rigger, painter, artist - It is not America! where people do what they love. The above mentioned may not be preferred in India. But many people in US take up these jobs very proudly.

We have more influence of Britishers in our daily life, still we want to go to US for a plum job.

For an Indian, it is easier to go to America but it is difficult to adopt American culture.

We are still discussing Why are NITs not as popular as IITs when there are more than 100 better colleges in the world.

We indians are emotional fools and anyone can exploit that weakness.

We are crazy about deals and are very price conscious while buying vegetables but we will book flats online without detailed background check of the property and the builder.  Penny wise Pound Foolish!

We buy fruit from footpath but our footwear will be from big showrooms.

We are good at giving free advice and taking jibe at shortcomings of others Come on Flipkart...overcome this communication problem and give me a hug?

All the things have been written with a pinch of salt. Don't take it seriously, recharge your creative batteries at Life is Beautiful: About Me

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